You sleep like a dead rhinoceros. Did you know?
Relax, relax! It's a compliment.
I can just wait for you to fall asleep and then I can do whatever I want. No really, anything. Last night I invited over some sketch artists and we drew you. When they wanted you to change poses, I literally just positioned your limbs however we felt like.
You don't believe me. Fine, I won't show you the picture of you as all three of Charlie's Angels. Sorry, too late, you missed your chance on that particular piece of hotness. Try again tomorrow.
You know, your eyes would be so much bluer if your hair wasn't so... uhhh... lovely. Of course I was going to say lovely! You doubt me again? How can you doubt this face? What I mean is, if it was darker your eyes would jump out and grab people by the throat. How am I supposed to know why your eyes are so hostile? Maybe they watched too much Charlie's Angels as a kid...?
You know I'm not ticklish. You just want to touch me. No. I'm not complaining. Just pointing out the flaws in your cover story. Maybe you should try "I saw a spider on the wall and I'm inspecting you for bites," or maybe "I'm sweeping the layers of glitter off your skin 'cuz they taste funny."
Of course, my glitter wouldn't taste funny, so that might not work.
Hmm?? Well... like a family of unicorns made French Toast for breakfast, poured real Canadian maple syrup all over, added some rainbows, smiles and cinnamon and ate it on my tummy. Then they didn't do the "dish".
--Get it? Because I'm a dish? And a "dish" is a hot chick? ...It was so funny!--
Hey stop it!! There are no spiders in the Unicornian household!!! Eeeee! I'm warning you, I'll make the blonde, brunette and red-headed yous kick your ass!
You know what...? I think it's time to wake you up and have this conversation. Or at least make you read it. If only I had a rhino-poker...